**Tuudles**
Nr One
An American tourist goes on a trip to China., While in China, he is
extremely promiscuous (sexually) and does not take any precautions.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he discovers that his penis is
covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately schedules an appointment to see his doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before,
orders some tests, and instructs the man to return in
two days to discuss the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, I've got
bad news. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's a very rare disease
and almost unheard of in the medical profession.
But I believe I can help you............ somewhat.
The man breaths a sigh of relief and says
"Just give me a shot or something Doc."
The doctor replies, " I am sorry, it's a little more complicated than that.
I am going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams out in horror, "Oh no! I want a second opinion.
The doctor responds "Well, that's your prerogative. Go ahead if you want to.
But I am telling you .......surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man visits a renowned Chinese doctor, fervently
hoping that he is more knowledgeable about the disease. The Chinese doctor
examines his penis and proclaims
"Ah yes! Mongolian VD. ..........Velly velly lare disease."
The guy says to the doctor " Yeah yeah, I already know that,
but what can you do to cure me?
My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid Amellican doctor!
Amellican doctor always want to opelate. Mek more money that way. No
need to opelate. "Oh thank God!" the man exhales.
"Yes" states the Chinese doctor. "You no worry. Wait two week.
Dick fall off by itself."
Nr Two
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out driving on the
interstate at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue
lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he
thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of
the situation hit him, "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and
pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word,and
examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, it is
the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more
paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I
haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second
and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were
trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
Nr Three
As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a
strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she
observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a
vibrator.
Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter
replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing
is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please,go away and
leave me alone." The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering
the room,he observed his daughter making passionate love to her
vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing,the daughter
said,"Dad,I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is
about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the
groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming
from,of all places, the family room.
She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the
couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the
couch,buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you
doing?" The husband replied, "I'm watching the footy with my
son-in-law."
An American tourist goes on a trip to China., While in China, he is
extremely promiscuous (sexually) and does not take any precautions.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he discovers that his penis is
covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately schedules an appointment to see his doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before,
orders some tests, and instructs the man to return in
two days to discuss the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, I've got
bad news. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's a very rare disease
and almost unheard of in the medical profession.
But I believe I can help you............ somewhat.
The man breaths a sigh of relief and says
"Just give me a shot or something Doc."
The doctor replies, " I am sorry, it's a little more complicated than that.
I am going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams out in horror, "Oh no! I want a second opinion.
The doctor responds "Well, that's your prerogative. Go ahead if you want to.
But I am telling you .......surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man visits a renowned Chinese doctor, fervently
hoping that he is more knowledgeable about the disease. The Chinese doctor
examines his penis and proclaims
"Ah yes! Mongolian VD. ..........Velly velly lare disease."
The guy says to the doctor " Yeah yeah, I already know that,
but what can you do to cure me?
My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid Amellican doctor!
Amellican doctor always want to opelate. Mek more money that way. No
need to opelate. "Oh thank God!" the man exhales.
"Yes" states the Chinese doctor. "You no worry. Wait two week.
Dick fall off by itself."
Nr Two
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out driving on the
interstate at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue
lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he
thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of
the situation hit him, "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and
pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word,and
examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, it is
the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more
paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I
haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second
and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were
trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
Nr Three
As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a
strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she
observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a
vibrator.
Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter
replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing
is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please,go away and
leave me alone." The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering
the room,he observed his daughter making passionate love to her
vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing,the daughter
said,"Dad,I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is
about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the
groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming
from,of all places, the family room.
She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the
couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the
couch,buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you
doing?" The husband replied, "I'm watching the footy with my
son-in-law."
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