The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."
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Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is
lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find, that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks,
"What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to London.I heard
prostitutes there get paid £100 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's
going,
he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £200 a year".
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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2
litres of low fat milk; a carton of eggs; 2 litres of orange juice; a head
of
lettuce; half a dozen tomatoes; a 500g jar of coffee; a 250g pack of
bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
thecashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at
her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well,youknow what, you're
absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know
that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly "
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Man wakes up one morning to see his wife in a skimpy negligee, standing
by the bed, and with some velvet rope in her hand. She purrs at him "Tie
me up and you can do anything that you like"
So he did, and went fishing!!
